
They’re subject to misgendering and inadvertent insults, people who try too hard to empathise with their gender identity, and those who don’t try to understand at all.ĭating can be a minefield for anyone who’s looking for partnership – but for people who identify as non-binary, there are even more obstacles, often invisible to people who identify with the mainstream view of gender identity and heteronormative sexuality. They may be treated, as Hermosillo says he was, as someone else’s dating “experiment”, particularly if that person is newly exploring a queer identity. Both dating partners and dating apps are likely to assign them to a binary gender. This is one of the many nuanced issues people who identify as non-binary face when dating.

If I took them out on dates, I’d be the main person paying.” “If we drove somewhere, I would be the person to drive.

People he dated, however, “would assign that more normatively masculine role to me”, he says (Hermosillo now identifies as trans masculine). Hermosillo had short hair and presented as more masculine, but was using she/he pronouns at the time. When Alexa Hermosillo, 25, came out as non-binary about a year ago, while living in San Diego, California, he found many of the people he dated still boxed him into a gender binary.
